Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Adventures of Benjamin



Why are Protestant sects always named after oscillating motions?


Sunday, December 26, 2010



Monday, November 22, 2010


It occurred to me today that I know two German songs that rhyme the word "Saft" with "Kraft."

1. Johann Sebastian Bach's "Jesus Bleibet Meine Fruede":

Jesus bleibet meine Freude,
meines Herzens Trost und Saft,
Jesus wehret allem Leide,
er ist meines Lebens Kraft.

2. The German opening of Disney's Gummi Bears (Gummibaerenbande):

Lasst euch verzaubern
Von ihrem Geheimnis
Der Saft bringt die Kraft
Das Abenteuer lacht
Gemeinsam k├Ânnt ihr
So viel mehr noch erleben
Kommt doch hier her
Und singt einfach mit


Friday, November 5, 2010

I Don't Know What I'm Doing


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hero of the Month: Life-affirming Ninja Reclaims Levity of Human Spirit from Propaganda Machine's Pharisaical Tyranny

Shake us out of our quotidian apathy. Cast their sanctimonious airs and regurgitated words in stark relief against the shrieking, primal, naked truth. The innocence of this Holy Fool and his life-affirming appeal to the eternal spirit of the bacchanal will always rise above the monotonous sermons of institutional oppression and its ephemeral constructs. Spring is a comin'.


Saturday, August 14, 2010


The Bible says that Satan created the snake
to tempt Adam (The Bible, pg. 5)
Snakes are intestines with faces
Their entire body is one big digestive tract
Snakes are carnivores and can eat animals that are
much bigger than them

Snakes hear through vibrations in the ground
When you run away from a snake it will chase after you
because your feet hitting the ground tickles the snake’s belly
and makes it feel good

Eight-year-old boys with subscriptions to
Zoobooks often think snakes are cool.
For this reason, professionals are sometimes
paid to bring snakes to elementary schools for a day

When the snakes break free from their cages
they will find the schools on their own.
because even more than live flesh, snakes crave the
attention and adoration of smiling children.


Friday, June 25, 2010

Simply Orange: Now with Mango!


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ten Years Later, Moviegoers Still Respond Favorably to High-contrast Color Pallettes Inspired by Various Shades of Urine and Poop

Nobody can pinpoint the exact moment in which sepia decided to go totally fucking hardcore, but ever since then it's been a nonstop thrill ride of bronzed hair follicles and diarrhea-stained eroded parchment texture. One can attain this effect in real life by staring at the sun for 200 seconds and then gazing into the cold depths of a port-a-potty.


Monday, May 31, 2010

Long-forgotten Food Relics Exhumed from Kitchen Pantry in Forlorn Attempt to Assuage The Munchies

• Unopened box of blueberry muffin mix
• Tube of decorative cake gel (yellow)
• Can of Crisco containing vestigial amounts
• Bag of unidentified dried legumes purchased from bulk bin
• Single serving packet of trail mix left behind by guy who moved out
• Individually wrapped toothpick
• Packet of oyster crackers, badly crushed
• Chef Boyardee Pasta shaped like characters from "A Bug's Life."


Friday, April 23, 2010

Great Moments in Cinematic History: Captain Hook's Conga Laugh Transcends Narrative Time and Space

The film "Hook" features one of the most eccentric scene transitions in Steven Spielberg's body of work, if not the craft of film and sound editing entire. The transition in question can be summed up as a variation on the standard crossfade (the audio equivalent of a dissolve), which, in this instance, is used to overlap Captain Hook's mischievous laughter with the military cadence of the Lost Boys. What makes this particular transition unique is the way Hook's laugh is looped and played back twice. As the film's diegetic sound hiccups like a broken record, the resulting temporal discontinuity turns a simple crossfade into a trans-diegetic meta-soundtrack where the film effectively samples and remixes itself. Complicating diegetic boundaries further is Captain Hook, who seems to be fully aware of the sound-edit, swaying and rocking to the beat of the Lost Boys' distant drumming.

Just another weird touch on this very weird and very fascinating mess of a film.


Sunday, January 31, 2010

Fruit Roommates


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bassoon Battle

Add Image